Stuff Happened.

So I quit my part-time job this month.

It's been two weeks since I handed the notice. After the last day of work, I asked a permission from my head manager to sit inside in the manager room for a while. Then, I had a dinner in the workplace which is at dining area before I left. The sudden heaviness inside me start to show up when I arrived home, thinking what's going to happen next. I was trying to distract myself with housekeeping while figuring out the next thing I must do: do not take the chance for granted again.

That time, I swore to myself do not let go of my artistic side again for the sake of stability. Though, I feel more relieved than have to spend night with intense anxiety, wondering what bad omen going to happen in my job on the next day.

With that, I once again revert back to full-time freelancing artist, from that day onward.

It's only that I was spending about half of my moment if I should stay longer to be more stable and more ready before I go with this path. What that comes unexpected was it was too early for me to make such decision, knowing well I might taking heavy risk because of it.

But you know, trading health for stability is a fatal mistake. I had several sick days that my time off got denied, which is my initial plan but failed. Hence, the resignation of my job.

Given some advice from my family members and close friends, I would be better to endure the mental torture just to live. I mean, I could've gone full-time and put aside my freelancing career aside, with less time of making arts for myself. But I know this wasn't me that I want to fight. I was slowly rotting inside, wishing for any kind of salvation as I don't want to make same mistakes again when I was first time jumping into freelancing career. Honestly, had if I'm aware of it earlier, I wouldn't have to step into this hellish years and spent time taming my anxiety instead.

And here I am, still trying to heal from the emotional scars caused by my carelessness. I still ruminating if I could kept my previous identity back then, but it was all too late when the fandom drama, loss of potential friendship and personal financial crisis hit me like a truck.

And while I'm back on track with this path again, the only concern was if I can making arts for living in long-term. At first, I chose to upskill myself while working the job but it got backfired that instant. I guess time won't wait any longer anyway. But, if I want to be truthful with the past experience: I'm afraid of finding another "real" job and do not want to step into it ever again. Especially if it means that I need to sacrifice my creative side for stable life.

By the time I was about to leave, I already resolve on what I want and must do from that day: to prove myself that I can walk on this new chapter, no matter how much it takes. I also learn more about curating my interest for what I can offer and want to showcase too. And of course I'm not regretting that: the moments I was stunned with success of some gacha art experimental projects that I did previously. That time I choose to polish my workflow a little bit more before I start on the very first series. I also need to remind myself not to caught up with the perfectionism of the project itself.

As for now, I'm regularly making arts for living and improving my skill. Of course I will take some break time when needed as I don't want to "grind too much" and end up not enjoying the process.

If you read until here, I want to say thank you so much for reading. And also excuse me for not able to convey as much as what I wanted but this is only I can tell. I know I had rough time last month and I'm unable to think straight (also the reason why I skipped May newsletter post too).

There's a lot to catch up for now, so you can check my June '26 post here.

Until then, I'm happy to keep going with what I have now.